Is it possible to find simplicity in a complicated life? Can there be a certain kind of simplicity in introducing new people and new things into your life? I think so. And I think it’s healthy. For the past 6 months or so I have made it a point to clear my life out of the complications and the chaos and mess. But, now that it has been emptied out, I am finding that I want to fill it up again. Strangely, its sorta like when you say if I was a teenager again and could do it all over with the knowledge I have now, this is how I would do it.
I turned 30 this week. As it was approaching I was having a really difficult time accepting that I was 30. I don’t think I look like I’m 30. I don’t feel like I’m 30, but, the calendar says I am. So I must be. But I feel like I have a fresh perspective and sort of an allowance to redo the last ten years with the next ten. True, I can’t go back and change any thing, but I can choose not to make the same mistakes and do things the way I should have been strong enough to do the first time around. I allowed so much to come into my life and disrupt and change my course and affect who I was and how I was going to be that I recoiled from it all. But now, I know that I don’t have to let those things affect me. I can do anything. I will do everything.
So the emptiness, the room I made in my life, my mind, my heart is now slowly being filled with the good and wonderful things that this life offers without indulging in the things that can destroy it.
This morning while at church I was thinking about some things (and not entirely paying attention to the message) and I realized that Jesus was 30 when he began his ministry. Then I thought, is there something spiritually important about this age? Or is it just me, thinking? I mean, having grown up in the church and being a Christian for 23 years it affects you differently than when you become a Christ follwer at a later age. I wondered if being 30 is the beginning? That I have lived my life, some times well in accordance with the way God wants me to and sometimes in direct defiance of it and now I am at a place where I am ready for more. To go beyond these four walls and break into a new way of living, of breathing, of laughing and talking and hoping. Of reaching out into the world with the great and wonderful joy that is unspeakable and remarkable and extraordinary and sharing that with unhindering passion to those that are around me.
Tw years later I am in a place where I never expected I could be. I am finishing graduate school, I have essentially quit the job I have spent the past 14 years doing, I am in a wonderful relationship with a man that adores, respects and cares for me. Life is great. Life is simple. Life is different. And it is good. My thirties are turning out to be a wonderful time of life. Sometimes I think that I am behind – not being married or having children. But I’m not. I have so many opportunities that I wouldn’t otherwise have. I am making plans and available the notion of living over seas. That would never have been a possibility five years ago. I am excited about the future with no rush to fill the status quo. Marriage will come, children will come. And if not my life will be exactly what it is supposed to be. I have never fit the mold of expectation. I color outside the lines.