Sacrifice…it is an ugly word with such beautiful consequences.
It requires such physical and mental and emotional giving. And it transforms our in most being. It’s like a butterfly. Before sacrifice we are like the caterpillar. A little worm, inching along life never venturing very far and staying close to what we know is safe and secure. And then the cocoon that is spun by the caterpillar is our sacrifice. It closes in around us. It buries us alive and it holds us there for what seems an eternity. Until one day, that death trap, it molded us, changed our very nature and when we break through we find that we are a beautiful butterfly, still tender and in need of care but slowly gaining strength. Until finally, one day, our wings begin to move and we realize we are strong enough to fly. Our world is anew. We are anew. Transformed by the very sacrifice we once thought would destroy us.
What it has meant for me is in some ways so unbearable that I would rather pay the price with my life than in the way I have. But I guess that is what sacrifice is all about: paying a price we would rather not.
“Take this cup from me, but if not, your will not mine be done.” What painfully poignant words that echo in my heart when I cry through the pains of my loss.
You will never know my sacrifice, just as I will never know yours. And rightly so, it is not right to cast that kind of heavy burden onto any man, that alone was reserved for the Son of Man. I will continue to ask why until I stand before God. I think it is okay to question God. To seek reason and answer. I pray I never turn away and I am thankful he never turns from me, tho he may hold back his blessings in an area I so desperately desire.
I am incapable of understading God. It is only in rare glimpses that I catch a moment of clarity and glean a peace that passes all understanding. I do not know why he holds back, but I know it must be for my benefit, because he loves me so. And, that, my friend, is enough.