Women are amazing and dynamic creatures. With this privilege comes many highs and sometimes lows. This week I am experiencing one of the downsides of being a woman. Next Thursday, I am having surgery. It is out patient, and while a fairly common procedure, it is still surgery that requires anesthesia. I am not scared, at least not at this moment, but I am aware of the risks involved.
I have been experiencing pelvic pain more often than I should. Including flank pain in my back near the kidneys – the pain started about a year ago. I have had check ups, CT scans, and an IVP and now, it is determined, that the insides need to be looked at. Enter the Laparoscopy. This is where a small incision is made in my belly button (thank goodness – who wants scars?) and a tube with a camera and a light is inserted so they can look at what is happening and what may be causing the pain. A potential diagnosis from this surgery may be endometriosis. That is concerning, considering one of the effects of this can be infertility and I have yet to have children.
So, one week away from my surgery date, and here I am: the logical, scientific side of me. Researching what the terms are, what the possible diagnosis could be, and understanding the risks of undergoing surgery and what may transpire once the surgery is complete and a diagnosis is made.
It may sound flippant of me, perhaps even dismissive, but my hope is in God. I do not fear going under anesthesia because I know that if it is my time, then God will call me home. Otherwise, I will wake up and God will put me back to work for what he has made me and called me to do. I do not fear what the diagnosis is because whatever it is, my life is in God’s hands. He will care for me and direct my paths. I know that whatever path he leads me down, it is where I am meant to be. I think one of my favorite passages in the Bible is in Philippians (NLT):
“20 For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. 21 For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. 22 But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. 23 I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. 24 But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live. 25 Knowing this, I am convinced that I will remain alive so I can continue to help all of you grow and experience the joy of your faith. 26 And when I come to you again, you will have even more reason to take pride in Christ Jesus because of what he is doing through me.”
Surgery can be scary. As I travel this journey, I hope that you will follow along. Perhaps even share your own journey with me. I hope that my experience brings any one going through or preparing for surgery a sense of calm and comraderie, compassion and hope.