No, I don’t have children, and it’s ok!

When people first meet me one of the first questions they ask in the “get to know me” phase of a relationship is are you married? This question doesn’t bother me. I am not married, but happily in a relationship with a man that adores, respects and enjoys being with me, and I him. I would think that the answer to this question is obvious by the lack of a diamond ring perched atop my third finger on my left hand, but apparently this isn’t the case.

The second, inevitable question, is do I have children? While this too would seem obvious to me, it is not the case to others and not really their fault. With society today it is more likely than not that I have a child (or two – inspite of whether or not I am married). And I get this. But, no I don’t have kids.

Now, I get that I don’t look like I just turned 21, but why is it that people assume that a woman in her late twenties or early thirties ought to have children? Why is this expected? Is it right, that as a society, we assume that a woman of this age ought to be doing her duty by bearing and rearing children?

I say NO! I have other things that I want to do and for better or worse, didn’t do those things when I was younger. I am not ready to attached permanently to  a “mini me” or two. Sometimes its hard enough being attached to a four pound chihuahua who is incredibly co-dependent and needy.

School, career, time with my boyfriend, travel, there are so many things that children do not factor into that the idea of bringing a child into the world at this very moment in my life seems implausible.

And yet, I am constantly reminded both externally and internally to not wait too long. Why is it that there is a time limit, a very real restriction to the timeline of my life that is frightening and unfair.

Yes, I want children, but I hate the fact that I am forced to constantly consider that aspect as part of my decision process. It is weighing and tiring. But oh the joy, my friends tell me. I am sure. But not today.

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5 thoughts on “No, I don’t have children, and it’s ok!

  1. They are, absolutely, a joy, but a joy that you should experience when YOU are ready! Children are also a lot of work and the hardest job I’ve ever done. I waited, and I am glad I did. (Plus, if you wait, the kids of your friends who didn’t wait can babysit your kids!)

  2. As a woman who had kids at a very young age, I completely agree with you here. I love and adore my kids, wouldn’t trade them for anything. But I missed out on a lot by having kids early. I think it is honorable for a woman to know that she doesn’t want kids right now (or ever), and to take ownership of that.

  3. Im lucky that I was raised by parents who waited until their thirties to have me and my sister. They have always told me that my twenties are for me. I dont get mad when people ask if I have kids I tell them that I am lucky to be taking the time to enjoy myself before kids. Besides I have an 80lb furry child in Mojave. Just enjoy yourself and kids will happen when they happen! Besides statistics show that kids born to older parents grow up in a more stable environment.

  4. I get that all the time. It’s like there something wrong with you for not having kids yet. I alway list my degrees and say there my children and proud of them.

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