The news rang through my ears and into my brain like a clanging cymbal.
I hardly heard anything else the doctor was saying, all the while trying to keep my composure. The last thing I wanted to do was start crying on the phone and be inaudible to a doctor who was only concerned with the fact that my kidney’s were fine.
I had gone in because a few weeks earlier I had become violently ill from what I believed to be food poisoning. I spent the better part of a night hunched over a toilet, holding my hair and watching my dinner pool at the bottom of the basin. The following morning I discovered my urine was the color of tea. This is not normal. I knew that.
It was also not normal to put on 30+ pounds in a year and no amount of exercise was helping. At the encouragement of my parents I decided to get checked out by a urologist. I was prepared for a kidney disease diagnosis. I was okay with that, after all, if it could explain and eventually solve the issues I had been having, I was on board.
The last thing I expected was an ovarian cyst. So many questions swirled in my mind. And then of course, the biggest pain of all was thinking that this was my punishment for the sin of my past. It was a long time argument that I have with myself. That God tries to tell me both in prayer and in his word- I am forgiven. He has forgiven me.
All the what if’s sprang to mind – what if I have an ovarian cyst. What if I lose that ovary. What if it is difficult to have children- if at all. One working ovary is enough to get pregnant, but with other issues will compound the problem. Not to mention, I am not getting any younger and my ability to have a successful, healthy pregnancy is dwindling.
I find myself even now smiling bright, hiding the hurt and pain within my heart and mind. Something I never anticipated being an issue is now called into question. You simply don’t realize what it means, how much you want it until it may no longer be a possibility.
As with any difficult medical determination, I sought a second opinion. My fears were soothed by an understanding gynecologist. She assured me that the cyst was nothing to be alarmed about. That, in fact, is was called a follicular cyst – apparently something common. While I still am apprehensive, her ease and knowledge and time she took to answer my questions and calm my fears has overwhelmingly put my mind to rest. And although we will do more tests and watch it to make sure nothing is out of the ordinary – for now I seem to be moving in a positive direction.